Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Nervous Anticipation

I have been waiting... impatiently waiting, for 2011 to get here. There are so many questions filling my mind: Have we picked the right adoption agency? Will we be approved? How is our child being treated during this time? Who is our child?

I know to some, it doesn't make any sense. How can I be nervous for a child that I have never met? Well, while carrying my other children, I had never met them, but experienced the same anticipation. Not regarding their care of course, but about who is this little person? When will I meet them? I thought I was nervous then, but oh goodness, is this much much more than anticipated. Now I have the added, is he/she being well cared for? Do they feel loved? When will they hear the name of "Jesus?" When will they hear our voices, telling them that we love them? When will they feel the warmth of our hugs?

So many questions and so little answers. I feel as if I NEED to do something. But right now, there is nothing to do, except wait until we are both of age in March to begin the paper process. Yes, we are saving right now, and that is something. But I feel as if I should be doing more. I am scrambling through adoption blogs, looking for clues as to whether we will be approved or not. And I know we meet all of the requirements set forth by the CCAA, but I still worry. I guess it is just part of my nature.

Here is a quote I stumbled upon, and loved:

I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something I can do. - Helen Keller

Little Wu, if you are out there right now, I pray God sends our love to you through your caretakers. I pray that you feel the warmth of our love. Amen.

God bless,

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