Wednesday, March 28, 2012

LOA: Waiting Yet Again

Day 43: Feeling a bit conflicted with this LOA wait. My agency tells me that within 60 days of waiting, it should be here. However the FEW LOAs that have been coming recently are coming to people in the 100s. Wish I could fly to Ch*na and get this paperwork done faster, but I can't. I have to keep reminding myself that he is safe, but it doesn't make it any easier.

What doesn't make it easier as well, is the fact that EVERY single important step is announced via email. What does that mean? It means I am on a perpetual merry-go-round with this computer here. I feed the children, and then check email. Put some laundry in the washer machine, check email. Load the dishwasher, check email. Check on screaming child, check email. Help one of the older children with homework, check email..... and so on... You get the idea. No, I do not have a smart phone. My phone is quite dumb, but phone calls work... sometimes. Anyhow, I wish for the longer steps my agency would give us a phone call to announce it to us. Don't get me wrong, they are a GREAT agency and I love them and will use them for the next adoption, but I just wish they would call for the longer waits.

So, I continue this hurry up and wait game. I wish I could say that at the end of this I will think to myself, oh that wait wasn't so bad... YEAH RIGHT! I have this to remind me. Even though the wait stinks, I know it will all be worth it in the end.

A side note here... I think Joseph is realizing the age that Lee is going to be when he gets home, because everytime we see a little boy about the age of Lee, Joseph points to him and asks me if he is Lee (with a BIG grin on his face too). He is so anxious to have his baby brother home. He knows what Lee looks like (his picture is plastered ALL over our house and even in the car), but for some reason every child around Lee's age is Lee to him at the moment. Maybe wishful thinking?

So prayer requests: For the LOA floodgates to OPEN! Not just me, but so many other people are waiting for their LOAs to bring their babies home. My prayer is that it happens this week. I am still hopeful that IF we receive our LOAs this week, we can travel and be home before my family goes on vacation and I am left searching for replacement babysitters for my children, or worse case scenario waiting an extra 2-4 weeks to leave for China. I am still not sure how far apart they schedule these consulate appointments.

Well, I just typed a blog entry, so I guess it is time for me to refresh my inbox...


Thursday, March 8, 2012

In times of craziness...

I've been feeling a bit crazy lately. I mean full blown CrAzY! I am missing appointments, which had me on the verge of tears yesterday. Heck, everything has me on the verge of tears lately! Have I mentioned the full blown crying fit I tried unsuccessfully to hide at my sister's house when I went to visit? I didn't! Oh well, yep that was me.

I was pretty harsh on myself yesterday. I labeled myself a loser, and mocked myself by calling myself the "mother of the year." And honestly, I was questioning my ability to handle ALL of this. What's ALL of this? The wait, the forgetfulness, the unending tears, the moodiness, the ache in my heart that only seems to get worse the more that time goes by, etc...etc...etc...

Well, last night as my head hit the pillow and my mind was shutting down so I could go to sleep, I heard a voice inside me say,

God does not call the qualified. He qualifies the called.

Oh Amen! It made sense to me then. I am weak, and yes this wait is HARD. I can only handle so much, but with Him by my side I will make it. I may be a ball of mush at the end, but He will help me through it. God didn't intend for me to be this rock solid, have it ALL together woman. No! I think he likes us crazy folks, because us crazy folks are ready to take that leap of faith. We are ready to enter this sea of red tape, and fall MADLY in love with this little person we.don't.even.know. We are ready to fly to the other side of the world and bring back this precious child of God, whom we are more than ready to bring home and love with all of our hearts and all of our souls.

It's time for me to see myself as God sees me: A woman who is crazy for her children and her Lord. I may not be qualified to be the mother of the year, and trust me I am far from being close. But God has placed another child in my heart, and He knew I would go CRAZY for him. So pardon me as I melt into that puddle of mush. I know God is right there with a spatula and a cup, ready to carry me right on through.


P.S. Did you know that stress hormones are released through tears. Yep! They are! My social worker told me so. ;)

P.S.S. Day 23 on the wait for LOA

Friday, March 2, 2012

Hello Lee!!

So our little guy was paid a visit by a sweet friend of mine who was picking up her son, Lee's crib mate, this week. She took some really sweet photos of our guy with his gifts and asked some questions for us. Thank you, thank you, thank you Linda and Dave! We really cannot thank you enough.

We sent Lee a hat, as you know. Well, it came off as fast as it went on we are told- little stinker! LOL None of our children ever appreciated a good hat, so I guess he fits right in with that one :) Linda did manage to get a photo of him with it on, so here it goes:

I also embroidered his name on a lovey in glow in the dark thread (so he can have a little night light), which he appears to like :)

And he heard our voices for the first time ever reading this voice recorded book we sent him. It's a blessing book, so we blessed him from afar :) He seems to be enjoying it.

And finally, he received a picture of our family. I believe this is the first time he has ever set eyes on us...

"Wait, you mean these people are for me?!?"

Sealed with a kiss... I think he likes us =)

We were told that he would not give up his picture of us and kept kissing it! Oh how I have cried over this! I think his heart is ready Lord. Now can we please leave to get him??

Please continue to pray that LOA comes soon. We are on day 16, and praying that LOA comes in the 30s rather than the 50s. Please pray for our friends waiting as well. If trends continue, we could be bringing our babies home sooner rather than later.

Thank you!!

Wishing you many blessings,