797...2012

Still waiting... BLAH *sigh* insert tears... I still cannot believe we are having to redo this. My dossier would have been either on its way to China or about to leave next week.

We have been feeling the prayers around us. They are helping. Thank you to those of you who are praying. This is definently a HARD process, but we would already do it again in a heartbeat. Trying to keep our eyes set ahead, and we are preparing our house for his arrival in the meantime.

Forgive me. I will ramble here a bit. It's theraputic for me...

Lee's Christmas gift, a bag filled with books and toys (both from Christmas and his birthday), is sitting in the closet. His quilt is ready for his bed. His highchair is all set up in the dining room. His clothes are hanging in his closet. I actually went to the hospital and bought a nasal aspirator for him (the store brands just don't work the same haha). Once I order his diaper bag in the next month or so *hopefully* I will begin packing it with stuff for our trip to bring him home. Once we receive TA, I will be able to start packing for Joey and I for China, and for our other children's trip to TX bag.

Joseph is constantly asking when he is going to his Nanny's house. The other day, he slapped his hand down on the table and said, "Me going to China! Lee coming home!!" I guess he decided enough was enough and he was just going to take care of what we obviously weren't accomplishing anytime soon. The next day when we left to go visit my parents, he was all excited. He was jumping up and down. And his little 2 year old voice squeaked out, "Yay!! Lee coming home!! We going to China!!" Lately everything comes from China too. Not a far stretch, but he asked me today if the strawberries I needed for the cheesecake were bought from China. I don't think he is fully understanding where China is, nor do I expect him to. All he knows is that it is obviously far away and mom and dad are taking forever to go there and get "his baby" to bring home. *sigh*

Emma and Silas are very understanding of what's going on. They know time and they know how long it will be until expected travel. They know it is coming soon. They have started saving things for Lee. Like items from the Christmas parade. I can't tell you how many things they handed to me and said they wanted to keep them for Lee to have when he got home. They miss their brother. They are also very understanding that when they see mommy crying, it is usually something to do with yet another mistake that is going to cost us time with their brother. They also are very understanding when it comes time for the ball to be tossed into our court, and mommy and daddy have to do something to bring Lee home, everything else gets tossed out the door for that day. Usually they would whine or cry about something like this but not when it comes to Lee. Not a tear shed, not a whine to be heard... they are on their best behavior because they want this stuff done too.

Lucy somewhat understands. She looks at the globe and understands that China is far far away. She knows that it is going to take a long time, but like any 4 year old a long time means several minutes to her. She doesn't understand months and how long they are. She is my, "are we there yet?" girl. She knows we are going to her Aunt Heather's house right before we leave, so any trip there is quickly followed with the question of, "Is Lee coming home now?"

So many questions, from Joey and I as well. Other people ask us "when?" all the time as well. I have grown tired of the answer I have to give them. It's exhausting to have to keep saying "I don't know," and "hopefully by ________ time." It's all a gamble to estimate a time, and I am not a gambler. This month was our original expected time of arrival, and we are several months away from seeing his face. It hurts. I am a sort of a scrooge at the moment. I just want to retreat into a black hole and come out when the sun begins to shine again. I know it's not possible. I have to be there for my other 4 darlings that I do have with me. I also have to be there to fix this mess that other people are creating for me to clean up so Lee can come home.

SO when I said "thank you" to those who have been praying for us earlier, I want you to know that I wholeheartedly mean it. We all do. Those prayers, without a doubt, are what's helping us get through these hard times. When I feel like it is difficult to get one foot in front of the other, I feel a weight being lifted and God telling me to keep on moving. And that is just what I am going to do. Come on 2012! I am ready for you. Let's bring my baby HOME!

Blessings,
Tasha